Tis the season and the time is once again upon us where we get to start fresh, wipe the slate clean, forget that we never kept any of last year’s new year’s promises, and trick ourselves into believing that this will be the year when we will go to the gym every single day and keep track of every dime in our pockets. Alas, I have decided this year to go a little easier on myself and save myself from the inevitability of failed attempts toward impossible goals. Hopefully these 11 resolutions are ones that I have some chance of sticking to:
1. This year I resolve to never, ever run out of gas (again). Even when the gas light is on and I think I can eek out just 1 or 2 more miles. Never again. From now on, ‘E’ means ‘Exit now for a gas station!”
2. To exercise more. Last year I exercised 7 times. I kept track. This year I am shooting for double digits.
3. To stop drinking beer. From now on, I will only drink vodka. Or at least until the wedding.
4. Speaking of weddings, this year I vow not to change the date, and the location, and the guest list, and everything (again).
5. To talk on the phone more. Seriously, I am so bad at keeping in touch. Which reminds me…
6. To join facebook, since I appear to be the last living soul without a facebook account.
7. To never, ever call Target under any circumstances. In the time it takes to be transferred, put on hold, transferred, put on hold, transferred (you get the idea), you can actually get in your car, drive to the store, find what you are looking for, and have time to stop and fill up your tank. And that’s 2 resolutions at once!
8. To help out more around the house. Or at least until I can afford a Roomba.
9. Which reminds me, I need to get out of debt. Therefore, I resolve to play the lottery more often.
10. To learn to use the stove, and the oven for that matter. I have mastered the microwave. Time to move on to bigger and better appliances.
11. To stop using the *#%$ word every other *#%$ing word. However, WTF still acceptable.
So there you have it. Come Thursday I will be a new and improved human being. Until then, you can find me lying in my messy house, drinking a beer, and eating some *#%$ing microwave popcorn.
What are your resolutions for the new year?
-Nora