I’ve been faced with a lot of decisions lately — running the gamut between important, trivial, big and small — which is not a position I generally like to be in. I tend to try to outsmart whatever it is I am dealing with and poke holes in every possible solution, which consumes quite a bit of energy. Most often, however, I end up not paying attention to a lick of it and instead fly by the seat of my pants, hoping I won’t have to tell myself, “I told you so.” Fortunately, this method seems to work out more often than not, and without too much thought, I am on to the next thing.

I took a road trip last week, (that is what you are supposed to do when there is no gas, right?) which is when I usually catch up on my podcasts and audiobooks. It really makes time fly. There was one in particular, an episode of NPR Chicago’s “This American Life”, that got me thinking a little more about what, exactly, is running this decision-making machine inside me. The piece was about break-ups, and the contradictory state you’re thrown into when faced with one. Your head dictates, “you’re better off,” and “it’s the best thing for everyone”, while your heart is ready to tell your head to “go screw itself, there is no way I am better off, this is the worst thing in the history to ever happen.” I haven’t been through a break-up recently, but I realized it is that conflict between my head and my heart that is behind the back-and-forths of every single decision I make.

Since listening to this podcast, I have been thinking about my past choices, trying to divide them between the two columns, to see which would be more stacked – head or heart? If you would have asked me that question 2 weeks ago, I would have said head, hands down, with no hesitation. I’ve always fancied myself a thinker, one who shields themselves from the potentially hazardous situations a heart can put you in. But in the end, I realized that this little blood-pumper is just as independent and stubborn as I am, and it usually gets its way — despite how hard my head tries to stop it.

In the midst of all this, I remembered reading a letter that Thomas Jefferson once wrote to a woman he met in Paris, which chronicled a direct dialogue between his head and his heart. I looked it up and re-read it, and found it so interesting (albeit long) once again.Upon the discovery that my heart is running the show here, I became fearful that I wasn’t always making the best choices. (So fearful, in fact, that it is currently 3:18 a.m., and I am up because I couldn’t quit thinking about it.) But, in his letter, Jefferson implies that “the concessions that the head makes to the heart are the source of some of our most important moral victories”* — which makes me feel a lot better. He was a pretty smart guy. 

Go with your heart!

- Ashley    

*From the book, Philanthropy: Voluntary Action for the Public Good, by Robert L. Payton