St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands – The sun is slowly setting over the ocean. The beach is sandy white, the water emerald green, and I’m surrounded by my favorite people in the world: my friends. A bucket of ice cold Coronas sit at my feet as I lie down in a hammock between two palm trees, grinning from ear to ear. A handful of sand falls through my left hand like a sieve as I grab a beer in my right. I get ready to bring it to my lips, and suddenly a “beep beep beep” echoes in the background, growing ever louder. I sit bolt upright, glance at my alarm clock, and realize it’s time to get up for work. Worst. Dream. Ever.
Of course, the next night when I fall asleep, I’m hanging out with Hulk Hogan for some reason and getting chased by zombies through the Mall of America. Yeah, that makes sense. What happened to the beach? Way to go Steve’s brain.
I don’t know if I just have an overactive imagination, but I often have three or four vivid dreams every night, each one very different from the next. I’ll have a dream, wake up in the middle of the night, fall right back asleep two minutes later and have a completely new experience, unrelated and far more random than the one before. Last night, I dreamed that I was making stupid YouTube videos with the guys from Guster, until my best friend showed up in a fat suit and started singing Spanish bull-fighting songs for us. What does that even mean!
Why can’t my dreams operate like a running TV series? Is that too much to ask? Unless it’s a nightmare, I generally wake up right before I get to the fun stuff, and it drives me crazy! Whether it’s hanging out on the beach, playing 18 holes at Pebble Beach, or surfing Pipeline in Hawaii, my subconscious somehow knows that I’m about to get to to the good part, and I wake up. Now, imagine if dreams worked sequentially. Think of how much more excited you would be to fall asleep at night, knowing exactly what kind of amazing adventure you’ll be living. You’d wake up excited about what just happened and overjoyed about what will happen the next time. Win-win!
The late comedian Mitch Hedberg once said: “I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. There I am, laying in my comfortable bed. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.” I don’t hate dreaming, I just wish it made WAY more sense.
Am I the only person that dreams this much? Does anybody actually get to DO the fun stuff in theirs? Where did I go wrong?
-Steve